I had recently been reading on ongoing discussion in Column 8 in the SMH about all the weird and wonderful toppings people put on their crumpets:

SMH May 20, 2010 ''I am aware that stories of coincidence abound in your column,'' writes Mark Gibbins, of Erina. ''This afternoon while working in my rather cold law office with the rain streaming down outside, I decided to cook a crumpet to brighten the afternoon. I commenced the toasting process and pondered what to do while waiting. 'I'll read something funny in Column 8' I thought to myself, and the first words I read were 'Crumpets, yes please, yummy!'''

It's been far too long since we've heard from Lady Agatha Maberley, of Bowral, but it seems the aroma of crumpets was enough to inspire her to put quill to parchment: ''An afternoon crumpet is not an afternoon crumpet unless it has something of a savoury nature added,'' Lady Agatha insists, ''such as finely grated (genuine) cheddar cheese and a sprinkling of anchovy on top. They must be served piping hot, and as a starter with the 4pm cup of tea. If one wants a sweet condiment on something hot, then choose either toast or an English muffin, and I am not referring to those horrid dough balls sold in supermarkets.'' More curious crumpet cuisine tomorrow, and possibly beyond. Some of the suggestions have been truly bizarre …

SMH May 21, 2010 We may have to organise a bake-off (well, a toast-off), to achieve a resolution of the crumpet-topping imbroglio. But positions are so entrenched that we feel no one would be satisfied with the outcome, whatever it may be. Best perhaps to just pass on suggestions from the brave crumpeteers who have rushed to the barricades, toasters and toppings in hand. Welcome to Column 8's All-Crumpet Special Edition!

''I have just finished two crumpets spread with avocado and topped with chilli tuna, including the whole chilli, while reading this morning's Column 8.'' - Neil Jones, of Panania.

''A truly sensational crumpet topping was called 'thunder and lightning' by my father when we were kids,'' recalls Josie McSkimming, of Coogee. ''Golden syrup, followed by a thick layer of freshly whipped cream. Unbeatable.''

And on it goes … ''I think sweetened condensed milk with sprinkled cinnamon is bliss! In fact, this topping can magically enhance anything from toast to coffee to curry.'' - Cynthia Ma, of Hornsby. ''Spread macadamia paste on the crumpet, then top with cumquat marmalade, preferably homemade.'' - Jen Stone, of Armidale. ''Peanut butter, apple and sultanas. Delicious!'' - Graham Bannerman, of Lewisham. ''Butter and Gentleman's Relish (if you can find same),'' - Nick Lampe, of Turramurra.

''As an Australian of Norwegian heritage,'' writes Randi Svensen, of Leura, ''the best crumpet topping would have to be pickled herrings. Very easy to make, and just think how tasty that pickle juice would be soaked into the holes of the crumpet. Yum!''

Crumpet holes are the key to another suggestion, albeit one at the far end of the sweet'n'savoury spectrum, from Vashti Waterhouse, of Paddington: ''A friend of my daughter's swore by hundreds and thousands as a crumpet topping. The h&ts sink into the holes where their colours blend, but the taste is … interesting.''

This crumpets-as-confectionary concept is taken to extremes by Lesley Laker, of Cremorne, who advocates ''breaking up a chocolate Easter egg''. Lesley celebrates Easter by ''placing the shattered egg on a hot cross bun,'' but insists that ''it works just as well with crumpets.'' '

But even Lesley's topping is topped by Ivor F., of Doonside, who swears by ''a hot crumpet served with a scoop of ice-cream and a pickled onion''.

All this trumpeting of crumpeting has not been in vain - not for Patricia Smith, of Avalon, anyway. ''At last I have a reason to bring out my silver crumpet dish. Given as a wedding present 55 years ago, it has rarely seen the light of day. A very stylish and pretty piece, complete with domed lid, room to accommodate several crumpets, and an inner dish that fits over a space to hold hot water, to keep extra crumpets hot. Anyone for afternoon tea?'' We're on our way, Patricia, with a wheelbarrow of anchovies, cumquat marmalade and Gentleman's Relish.

Column8@smh.com.au

and then I was reading Coby’s recent entry on The Claytons Blog discussing making them. Which all left me wanting:

Crumpets

adapted from this recipe: from taste.com.au

Note: Don't expect to create anything like the supermarket crumpet. Homemade crumpets are heavier, tastier and have far more texture. If the crumpet sizes look odd it’s because I used my cookie cutter set in graduated sizes so I ended up with different sized crumpets!

Ingredients

2 tsp caster sugar
1 tsp (7g/1 sachet) dried yeast
250ml (1 cup) warm milk
250ml (1 cup) warm water
450g (3 cups) bread flour
1 1/2 tsp bread improver
3/4 tsp salt
250ml (1 cup) water, extra
1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda
Vegetable oil, to grease
Butter, to serve
Honey, to serve

Method

1. Combine the sugar and yeast in a medium bowl. Gradually pour in the warm milk and water and stir until yeast dissolves. Cover with plastic wrap and stand in a warm, draught-free place for 10 minutes or until mixture is frothy.

2. Combine the flour, bread improver and salt in a bowl. Make a well in the centre and add the yeast mixture. Stir with a wooden spoon until well combined. Cover with plastic wrap and place in a warm, draught-free place to prove for 1 hour or until doubled in size.

3. Combine extra water and bicarbonate of soda in a jug. Use an electric beater to beat the flour mixture for 1 minute or until mixture deflates. Gradually add the water mixture, beating well between additions, until well combined and smooth. Cover batter with plastic wrap and set aside for 1 hour to rest.

4. Brush a large non-stick frying pan with vegetable oil to lightly grease. Brush six 7.5cm-diameter high-sided cookie cutter rings (or use 70z or 210g tuna tins with tops and bottoms removed) with oil to lightly grease. Place cookie cutter rings in frying pan over medium-low heat. Pour 60ml (1/4 cup) of batter into each ring. Cook for 7 minutes or until large bubbles come to the surface, the base is golden and the top is set and dry. Pick up cookie cutters from the pan, then use an egg lifter to turn and cook crumpets for a further 1 minute or until golden. Lift crumpets onto a wire rack. Set aside. Repeat, in 4 more batches, with remaining batter, greasing and reheating the pan and cookie cutters with oil between each batch.

To serve, toast crumpets in a toaster and serve with whatever is your favourite topping.